I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Randomize
