u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Randomize
