your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
