I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
