so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
