two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
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I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
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I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
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