with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
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