Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
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