I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
