You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
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