Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize