what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
