everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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