I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
