we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
