I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
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