so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
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I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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