Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
