i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
Did we literally take a cab across the street
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
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