You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
my god I love twenty year old dicks
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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