is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Randomize
