I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
He shit in the fireplace
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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