I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Randomize
