i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
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