I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
Randomize
