well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
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