there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
i think i just lost a toe
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Randomize
