why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
