the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
Randomize
