you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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