how can u be prego again
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
