A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
