she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
