I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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