yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
Randomize
