oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
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