I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
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