Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
