how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Randomize
