I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
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