like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
