Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Randomize
