So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
