R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
