And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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