Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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