yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
Actions speak louder than pants.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Randomize
