Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
I would fuck him just for his dog
Randomize
