fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
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You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
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The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
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