just tell him i said nine months
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
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