the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
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I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
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The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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