you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
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