Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
Randomize
