Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
Randomize
