I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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