I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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