tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
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