honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
