people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
Randomize
