My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
Randomize
