I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
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