My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
quick i need to know how implid consent works for golf carts
too late i think im gettin a gcui
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Randomize
