ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
